Humbling.

Some days, okay most days, I feel like I fail as a Mother.  Don't even get me started on how to manage being a wife AND a mother.  I don't know if there is such a thing as a SUPER MOM, but I know that my Mom sure did come close.  I'm sure she felt like she was failing some days, but one thing that I can tell you, is we rarely saw it, if she did.

I grew up in a home, where my Dad went to work, my Mom made sure that we got to school, had our lunches packed and she either a) babysat kids in the neighbourhood, b) made cakes and/or cut hair in our house, or c) went to work at the library.  Once we got home from school, she helped us with our homework, made sure that we got it done, went outside to play or watched minimal TV.  She would cook dinner and have it ready to be on the table for 6pm, when my Dad got home from work.  There was always a joke in our house... Dinner was at 6pm sharp and Dad was always late for dinner, as he always walked in at 6pm and had to get changed.  It was funny to me that Dad was always late for dinner, when we really could have just moved dinner back a little.

What does this have to do with anything?

I don't know how she did it!  On top of taking care of us, she tackled cooking dinner, doing the laundry, making sure the house was clean and making sure that my brother, sister and I didn't kill each other.  Some days, I only have time to take care of Oliver, feed him, scrounge something up for myself for lunch and hope he has a nap and gets to bed on time.  I'd love to have a clean house again, something yummy on the table for dinner and the need to not want to fall asleep on the couch at 7pm and spend time with my husband, full of energy.  I just don't know how to manage it.  Truth be told, some days, I just don't want to.  Some days, I just want my husband to walk in the door, see the chaos and tell me to pour myself a glass of wine, while he takes care of it all.  Then reality sets in.  He comes home, just as tired and the both of us, just turn a blind eye.  Perfect world right there!

I used to be the type of woman, who "did it all".  I could do groceries, have dinner in the slow cooker, have gone to the gym and gotten to the office early, all before 8am.  Yes, I have insomnia and yes, I learned how to be efficient, instead of lie awake frustrated!  It's amazing how having a baby, redefines, "doing it all".

I guess for now, keeping my baby alive, spending time playing with him, making sure that he's been fed and teaching him new found skills like walking, crawling and waving, are a good example of "doing it all".

To start.

I am not new to blogging.  I am not new to opening my life up to others.  I am not new to admitting my faults, my weaknesses, my strengths, my passions.

What I am new to, is adjusting to how to be me.  How to be me, in a world where I am a wife, a Mom, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a part of a family... be it my own, or the family I was born into.

I am not, nor have I ever been perfect.  I have never striven to seek perfection in my life.  Oddly, I have always fought against it.  Some have seen me as negative while doing so and others, just saw me as being "me".  I fight for what, who and the things that I believe in.  At times, I give up and give in, but usually, not without a very strong willed fight.  Some say that I get it from my Dad, some say that I've just learned it along the way.  One thing that has never changed, I have always been a person, who wears their heart on their sleeve.

I'd like to welcome you to the joys, the laughter, the heart ache, the struggles, the accomplishments and everything in between.  I am imperfect in all aspects of my life and I welcome you, to get to know me.